3 week countdown. A year reflection.

It's bittersweet. I can't believe that I'm back to work in 3 short weeks. This time (3 weeks from now), I'll probably be in bed. Completely exhausted and overwhelmed.

Forget about going back to work...in 3 short weeks, Ben will be a toddler. A one-year old. A little man. With a personality and a sense of humour all his own. He'll be (technically) able to eat strawberries, ice cream, whole eggs and honey. It's like a whole new world of food!

Why do I have to go back to work now, when life is becoming so interesting? When Ben is becoming perceptive and interactive? When I'm with him, I laugh constantly {unless I'm trying to feed him his dinner and then it's game over}. He's freaking hilarious. I understand him. He gets me. Why now?

Adam tried to explain to me (as best he could), that Ben really needed me during the first 3 months of his life. The first 3 months were like hell on Earth. I honestly don't remember how awful it was. If parents survive the first three months...they should be awarded with a prize (a baby that sleeps through the night until they move out?!?). It was dark... there was no light at the end of my tunnel. I was exhausted most of the time (as if...try ALL OF THE TIME). I couldn't see straight. I hated the responsibility that was dumped on me. Being a parent. I was someone's mom. And not just anybody... Ben's. I struggled every day to define my new role. Where was my old teacher self? Where was Adam's wife? I was consumed with Being Ben's Mom. And it was difficult.

Looking back, I'm grateful for my strong network of family and friends that have supported me throughout this journey. The journey of becoming a mom. My parents, my sister, my grandma, my aunts|uncles|cousins... Adam's parents and extended family. My close friends (with kids and without kids)... my new mom friends. Adam. I'm very lucky. I've complained a lot this year. Being a mother is the hardest job that I'll ever have in my life. I really had no idea. I don't think it's anything that anyone could have explained (effectively anyway) to me. It's something that you really need to live through and experience.

Having Ben was the best thing (aside from meeting Adam) that has happened to me. He brings me such joy. Such happiness. He truly is a miracle.

I'm looking forward to the years ahead. Growing up together as a family.

I always thought our lives were complete. Adam and I understand each other without talking. We're like words on the same page... but I can't imagine our lives now without Ben. My favourite moments are the simplest moments. Early Saturday mornings... Adam and I barely awake. Ben (wide awake!!!) staring out the window, looking for birds. Or dogs. Or squirrels. Going for a walk. Pushing Ben in the swings. Eating ice cream. Easy. Peaceful. Relaxing.

I wish I could bottle the smell (and silky baby-softness) of Ben's hair after a bath.

I'm not ready to leave him. How am I going to leave him?

New layout... 3 columns!

I've added a 3rd column to the blog (thanks to my superdupercomputergeniushubby). Now there's more stuff for your enjoyment!!!

Ben at the park...

Book. Ben's first official word.

Adam and I finally agreed on Ben's first OFFICIAL word (or variation of the real word). My thought was... he needs to be able to make an association. Like, ... see a dog. Say dog. And only use that word when he is referring to a dog. So in theory -- making an association.

He's been saying dada since the beginning of time... and only recently started calling me "mehmee"... he kinda says the words when we're around... but today he was also saying dada the entire time we went swimming. Dada wasn't anywhere around. (There was a dad in the pool with us?!).. hm...

So we've noticed over the last couple of days that Ben says "booo" (he leaves off the 'k' sound) whenever we read to him. Today,... Adam came home and sat on the floor. Ben climbed into his lap and then started saying, "boo boo boo"... so Adam told him... "well go grab a book then so we can read it"... and so Ben hopped down... crawled over to his book bin ... and started rummaging through his selection. He settled on "Moo, Ba, La La La"... a Sandra Boynton classic.

So Adam grabbed the book and Ben crawled like a maniac over to his lap...repositioned himself and waited for Adam to start reading. We both looked at each other like -- he can't be serious?! He actually understands that!?

How cool is that? His first word association was book!

Then... later that night... at dinner. I asked Ben, "where is the light?" ... and he looked up at the light in the kitchen... and pointed!!!! (I wasn't sure if it was totally random...so I asked a couple of minutes later and the same thing!)

Does every mother think their kid is a genius or is it just me? I'm so proud. (Unfortunately, he's learning faster than I can keep up!)

Let's share EVERYTHING...

Ben's new thing is sharing his food. And not in the gross way that you'd totally expect from an 11 month old boy. He shares it nicely.

This morning, Ben was eating some toast with cream cheese (his favourite) and Adam decided that he wanted some too! Adam held open his mouth...and Ben popped in a square of toast! It was by far the cutest thing I think he's done (recently). Ben totally psyched his dad out a couple of times though... he would let Adam sniff the toast, or have a wee lick (but would promptly take it back). It's nice to know that he has the ability to share. Very sweet.

Now if only I could get him to sit still for 2 mintues while I wash his face, change his diaper, put on a shoe, brush his teeth/hair, or put on his jacket. Sigh.

Weaning... a bittersweet milestone.

We're on to day #2 of weaning. Ben is doing amazingly. Me, on the other hand... not so much. We're down to 3 feedings per day (morning, mid-afternoon, and evening). We've been giving Ben about 3oz of whole milk at lunch and he totally loves it.

I can't believe how much I so wanted to pack it in completely by week 2. Now, I keep making excuses to keep doing it. If it wasn't for the fact that in less than a month (eep!), I'll be back to work, I totally would keep breast feeding. Crazy how time flies.

Once we have the noon feeding organized (I'll give it a week or 2)... I'm going to start the slow wean of the afternoon feeding. That way, I can be away from Ben from 7am until 7pm if I needed. 12 hours without my baby?! So not ready for that.

In the beginning, Ben would nurse and then fall asleep and be so cuddly. NOW? He nurses for all of 4 minutes and then wants down. Away. Freedom. Where did my little baby go?

Weekend in Pictures...

Ben and I at the park...
Daddy and Ben...

Walking along the Esplanade...
Hockey Hall of Fame!
Checking out the birdies...
Super Silly Monkey!
Bath time!



Ben's first attempt at "non-mommy" milk... He loved it!

what is mine...is yours!

breakfast with Ben...

...now this is the life. Yay for Monday mornings. So much better than showering, rushing out of the house and teaching a bunch of smelly teenagers.

a picture tells a million stories...

Here's Ben... being oh-so-goofy. A bonus -- you get to see all 6 teeth (plus a tiny one on the bottom)...
Ben and Grandpa... they're both looking so sweet in this picture. I think it's my new favourite one...

judging the speech competition...

Yesterday I headed back to school to judge the grade 8 speech competition. It was awesome being back at work. I can't believe how much I missed the kids, the staff ...the adult conversation at lunch. I love being home with Ben but I really (REALLY) miss being at work. Being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) is just not for me. Maybe I should really consider part time -- the best of both?

That being said... Ben did super at my mom's house. It was a mini-practice for when I actually go back to work. I dropped him off, my mom fed him lunch, took him for a walk, played with his toys and then put him down for a nap. I walked through the door at 4pm to Ben playing with pots and pans and spoons on the floor. He didn't even care that I was home! *sniff*

I think he's also started self-weaning, which for me,... is completely devastating. It was nice to feel so needed for so long and now he's becoming independent. He would rather drink out of a sippy cup and he even resorted to pushing me away -- as if to say,... "mom, I'm a big boy...no more boobies for me"... I guess it's time to start the slow wean to whole milk at lunch?!

Today we're off to my parents' house for my grandma's birthday. We're having a bbq and I'm so freaking excited. After our summer from bbq hell (our bbq is currently living in the basement -- long story if you don't already know it), Adam and I can't wait to taste the sweet bbq juices of meat! It's also supposed to be sunny and 8 degrees. Sweet.

Here are some recent pictures for your enjoyment...

Jody, Jack, Mike, Adam, Me and Ben... {Adam is Mike's "little" nephew}

Jack and Ben (they're 3 months apart...Ben is younger...)
I say 'cheese' and this is what Ben does...
I guess all the camera paparazzi paid off... he gets the whole - camera, cheese, smile - concept...


Happy Weekend!!!

why you can't turn your back for a second...

The scenario:

I was making Ben's lunch... he was happily playing in his high chair.

I made the mistake of leaving Ben's sweet potato puffs container (open) on the table. I didn't figure he could reach it... let alone grab them.

I turned around to find him holding onto the container with one hand,... and completely stuffing his face with the other. I yell over to him -- BENJAMIN -- and he gets this completely "I've just been busted" face... sigh. I guess he didn't feel like waiting for his food.

Birthdays... FYI...

Ben's birthday -- April 22nd, 2009! (Note: countdown on the blog -- 45 days to go!)... Adam, Ben and I are going to have a quiet dinner at home. At this point, I'll only have been back to work for 2 days so I don't want something big and crazy. Low key, and just us is perfect.

Later in May -- (weekend still to be determined)... we're going to have a 'party in the purple park' (a purple park near our house)... with some fruit, and cupcakes in the afternoon. I figure, if Ben could talk, he'd want to be outside, celebrating with his friends... in the park.

Us -- July 16th (Adam) and July 26th (Me)... we're both turning the big 3-0! 3 decades. Craziness. Our plan is to celebrate with friends at a restaurant/bar (to be determined) and then go on a romantic weekend away (from Ben) at the Old Mill Inn. We plan on having couples massages, dinner and staying the night.
(The weekend away also falls during our 6th wedding anniversary!)
Has it really been 6 years already?!

SPRING (ahead)...

The time has sprung ahead today (where did that hour of sleep go!? Because I certainly missed it!). Ben didn't. He was in bed at 630pm,...and up at 530am (which is actually the "new" 630am). He's wide awake. I can barely keep my eyeballs open. I guess he didn't get the memo about the spring ahead time change. He completely missed the fall back one... (his sleep was screwed up for a week!).

Bleh...the birds are actually chirping outside today!

In other news... this is Ben's new favourite hobby. Every time we "catch" him at the bookshelf, we redirect him.

He loves to play with all the DVDs...

Ads on the blog...

Have you noticed the ads? I don't really like them... I kinda hate them actually. They're just simply super ugly. But, since I'm trying to save money (to buy a house, Ben's college tuition etc...), I've added ads to the blog. Supposedly I make money when people click the ads... who knew making money could be that easy!? (Maybe I won't have to go back to work in a month?! As if...)

Ben's first report card!

You're never too early to get report cards =) (says the teacher)... Ben got his first one today, and I'm happy to report that he did marvelously =)

We finished our last swimming class and Ben's teacher gave him his report card complete with happy faces and stickers! He had a lot of the boxes checked including, "comfortable in water", "chin under water", "front glide with assistance", and "back support positions with & by parents"!

His comments on the back were, "Ben has done great!"... hehe. I'm so proud!

I think we're going to continue to go once a week until I go back to work. Ben loves it so much and it's a great way to get out of the house. (As an added bonus -- Ben sleeps for a good 2 hours after the class and eats great at lunch!). My mom came today to watch Ben and she took some pictures of us in the water.

Happy Swimming!

Here's the pictures (thanks mom for taking them!)

textured food progress!!

I really thought Ben would eat soft food for the rest of his life. He had a tough start with solid food -- especially ones with texture. He would constantly gag and throw up all over his tray. Gradually, I started turning up the dial on my blender to make the food chunkier. We added in some baby crackers that he could easily pick up on his own and eat (they also melted in his mouth, which totally helped).

Well today we've made full progress.

This was Ben's lunch...

• 1.5 tablespoons of 2% cottage cheese
• half a jar of chicken
• 2 tablespoons of butternut squash
• chunks of asparagus (CHUNKS!)
• chunks of zucchini (CHUNKS!)
• chunks of carrots (CHUNKS!)
• sweet potato puffs

(Did I also mention that he's quite the eater?)

I no longer use my blender... and we've progressed to the trusty potato masher! Yay! (So much easier to clean and a lot faster!). I've also stopped using so many ice cube trays --I flash freeze the asparagus and zucchini whole and then cut it up into small bite-sized pieces once I'm ready to feed him.

I will say though that it's a lot messier to have Ben feed himself. At lunch, he had food on his tray, on the floor (after Adam totally washed the floor on the weekend -- oops), on his hands, down his shirt, on his pants, all over his face...and in his hair. He thought the trip to the bathroom to wash it all off was even better than eating. He loves the water -- even if it means getting clean. What a boy! I'm just glad he's eating food that remotely resembles "adult" food...

expiry dates as countdowns...

Have you ever picked up something with an expiry date and thought -- when this thing expires,... I'll be __________?

I do it all the time. When I was younger, it was all about counting down to my birthday. The "oh look, this yogurt expires after July 26th, I'll be ___ years old by then".

Then I counted down to our wedding. "Oooo, this milk expires AFTER our wedding -- we'll be married by then!"...

Then,... I counted down the pregnancy... (especially towards the end because I couldn't wait to be done!)... "ooo look, this cheese expires in May --- we'll have a baby by then!".

You get the idea.

Only now,... things in our fridge are expiring AFTER I go back to work. AFTER Ben's birthday. I'll be the proud mom of a 1 year old. How scary is that...???

Where has the year gone? What was life like before Ben? What did I do with all of my free time?